is it as big as I remembered? (or: a
little sappiness about a straight guy
I still have the hots for occasionally)

point me in the direction of nowhere
send me off toward the moon
stampede cattle in the night of
our last conversation
I miss you
you have the best smile of anyone
in the whirling world
you have the biggest most nicely shaped
cock of anyone I never had sex with
taking locker-room showers with you was
both a blessing + a torture
even to this day I'm amazed
I never got a hardon there in front
of you + anybody else who happened
to walk in
but to this day when I jerk-off alone
+ your face/chest/nipples/cock/balls/butt
flash before my eyes like a series of
lightning strokes baying at the midnight
sky
I come the best the most in gallons it
seems
your voice in my ears
the smell of your sweet breath in
my nostrils
my eyes looking at nowhere
as if it were a place I wanted to be

I miss you

I never kissed your lips
I never touched your cock
it'll never happen now either
for a zillion umpteen reasons
just one of which is as I gotta keep
reminding myself you're straight
you're straight you're straight, but yep
I still miss ya alright

and will no-doubt just keep on wondering,
from time to time,
how you'd look with
a clear drop of semen glistening at the
tip of your long smooth cock
a look of "oh boy what should we do now?"
hanging there in your big blue eyes
you're stark naked
+ still quite lovely
the years have been kind to you
"oh boy what should we do now?" is written
all over your face
your cock is quite hard
the semen-drop glistens at its lightly pulsing tip
"oh boy what should we do now?" is still there
fixed deep in your eyes
you look at me from the mist the hiss
of old locker-room showers
conversations uttered to the tune of water
the awkward hooves of cattle
threaten to break my back the night the
earth into cracked + brittle pieces

"oh boy what should we do now?" is still in your eyes
you stare at me as if you actually believe
by now
I'd have the answer to the question

well, I do.

it wouldn't be you with the hardon and a drop
of semen
glistening at its tip
that would be me
you really are straight
always were

and it'd be me asking the question,
it'd be me asking "oh boy what should we do now?"

and the answer is
nothing

nothing  nothing  nothing
is the only satisfactory answer isn't it
the only one possible
cattle trample grassy slopes
it's dark the night is cold
blink at the mirror
sigh like a real-live grown-up mature adult
kids and kiddies, boys and girls, he's
right, he finally has it, he knows it now!
the answer to the question
"oh boy what should we do now?" is
nothing  nothing  absolutely
nothing

he's okay now.
sometimes he still
gnashes his teeth, tho,
in a sad, annoying way.

--Carl Miller Daniels (This poem appeared in Chiron Review, Issue #65, Summer 2001.)